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🪫 Entry-level leadership role in mild but constant unease.

• Monthly check-ins from the Department of Vague Anxieties
• Early access to limited-edition merch (to soothe the spiral)
• Passive inclusion in all questionable internal decisions

📅 You said “yes” to everything and now you’re here.

• All Tier 1 perks
• Behind-the-scenes updates from the Strategic Overthinking Division™
• Quarterly printable burnout report (mostly blank)
• Priority feedback loop (we won't read it, but you'll feel heard)

🌀 Top-tier position in pretending to have it all together.

• All previous perks
• Custom "Crisis Management Unit" digital badge
• Annual honorary certificate for Outstanding Emotional Labor™
• Secret access to unreleased internal documents (e.g. mood charts, corporate mantras, wallpaper-sized breakdown graphs)