Freelance Trauma Consultant T-Shirt
Job Summary:
You weren’t hired — you were forged in fire and unpaid therapy. This role specializes in unboxing trauma in aesthetically curated ways and offering unsolicited insight masked as jokes. No insurance? No problem. You accept payment in the form of emotional baggage, vague song lyrics, or unread messages.
Key Responsibilities:
- Providing strategic support during emotional breakdowns and passive-aggressive text composition
- Hosting pop-up healing workshops in showers, grocery aisles, and at 2AM
- Offering comprehensive consultations through sarcastic comments and long Instagram captions
- Diagnosing red flags in others you completely ignore in yourself
Essential Qualifications:
✔️ MA in Avoidant Attachment with a minor in Over-Explaining
✔️ 10+ years experience navigating chaos with humor
✔️ Certified in Saying “It’s fine” when it’s clearly not
✔️ Expert-level ability to cry quietly in public restrooms
Preferred Skills:
- Shadow work, but make it branding
- Seamless trauma-to-content pipeline
- Fluency in “I’m used to it”
- Can conduct emotional audits with nothing but a meme and eye contact
Benefits:
- Flexible hours (as in: trauma pops up whenever it wants)
- Access to clients' deepest secrets without asking
- No dress code — just deep-seated existential dread
More details
- 100% cotton
- 100% cotton
- Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester
- Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester
- Heather colors are 50% cotton, 50% polyester
- Midweight fabric (5 oz)
- Regular fit
- Pre-shrunk jersey knit
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Existence Solutions
- Email: contact@support.existencesolutions.store
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
Freelance Trauma Consultant T-Shirt Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width | Sleeve length |
|---|---|---|---|
|
S
|
28
|
18
|
15.63
|
|
M
|
29
|
20
|
17
|
|
L
|
30
|
22
|
18 1/2
|
|
XL
|
31
|
24
|
20
|
|
2XL
|
32
|
26
|
21 1/2
|
|
3XL
|
33
|
28
|
22.8
|
|
4XL
|
34
|
30
|
24.2
|
|
5XL
|
35
|
32
|
25.3
|